tmr will be a better day.

lost.

i've got alot to say.
but there seems to be noone there to listen.
especially now.
the words from my heart.
how i felt.
how angry i am.
how much i'm brooding over it.
how much grievences i felt.

do you know?
how not easy it is to act as if nth happened?
i know.
i understand.
but i feel different.
it seems morally unright to do so.
it somehow seems to me what im feeling now is like a sore loser.
but,
what is this if its not even a fair fight to start off with?

its no longer the results that mattered.
how long wld you want this to last?
if this is going to be the case,
can anyone tell me,
whats
the
point
.


what can i say?
who can i tell?

at the end of the day,
i'll only get these replies.
relax, relax,
its over. dont think abt it le.

what i can say is,
you wont understand.

i'm really doing so.
trying very hard to do so.
but, will it help at all?
i only felt like im avoiding it.


it felt like a de'javu.




pls understand,
it
takes
time.

woohooooo.
okay.
the most challeging weekend's coming.
i'll pray hard that ill survive thru this.

school.
it had been quite a usual week.
except that i realised sth.
something quite serious, yet funny.
but i've got no one appropriate for me to share with):
how how how?
but since, yi ge yuan da; yi ge yuan ai
sld just let it be right?
LOL
i bet with you no one will understand what i'm trying to say
HAHA! if you think you do,
feel free to confirm with me!
heeeeeee
ill treat you drink if you got the right ans!
HAHA!

anyway,
most significant thing in school wld be the pw!
and bloody gp.
i cant express how much i hate these two subjs man!
argh.
pw's PI must be done asap.
deadline soon,
and i've yet to confirm which to do.
ohman.

gotta do all my tutorials by tonight.
before going over to eileen's and to sac tmr early morn.
tmr's the FA comp.
first time not competing,
what an interesting feeling.
not that scared, yet seriously wonder how well they'd do.
well, all that i can say is all the best teams!




weird feelings.
i know. but how?

i think i need some reminder for myself.

$20.00
A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill.
In the room of 200,
he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?"
Hands started going up.
He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this."
He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.
He then asked, "Who still wants it?"
Still the hands were up in the air.
Well,
he replied, "What if I do this?"
And he dropped it on the ground
and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.
He picked it up,
now crumpled and dirty.
"Now, who still wants it?"
Still the hands went into the air.

My friends,
we have all learned a very valuable lesson.
No matter what I did to the money,
you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value.
It was still worth $20.
Many times in our lives,
we are dropped,
crumpled,
and ground into the dirt
by the decisions we make
and the circumstances that come our way.
We feel as though we are worthless.
But no matter what has happened
or what will happen,
you will never lose your value.
Dirty or clean,
crumpled or finely creased,
you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you.
The worth of our lives comes not in what we do
or who we know,
but by WHO WE ARE
and WHOSE WE ARE.

You are special
-Don't EVER forget it.
Count your blessings,
not your problems.

And remember:
amateurs built the ark ..
professionals built the Titanic.
If God brings you to it -
He will bring you through it.

first course day of OTC '08

haha, went ther half dead.
forced myself to make new friends
HEHE.
no la.
today started off so scaryly.

me and cheryl took our own sweet time to rot over to hq.
slowly slowly.
even had time to get mr bean and look for dou dou keychain.
until...
we reached hq,
saw the corridor flooded,
toilet also.
all with people donning full u!
wah, super shocked

then ganjiong spiders chiong chiong chiong as usual.
hahaa.
today was quite sian though.
standard talks talks and more talks.
then ice breaker!
then blah blah blah...
loads of rubbish!

why does this feeling seem to play hide and seek with me?

this time round,
i really know what im affected by.
what im minding.

the problem lies in me.
i cant get too emotionally dependent.
whether issit
my mother,
my clique,
anyone.
i wld feel deprived of concern easily.
this is a sense of insercurity.

so,
if you ask whats wrong with me these days,
this will be the final episode of what went thru my mind.

maybe this is just jealousy nature of a woman.
the more i try to oppress it,
the more prominant it appears to me.
maybe this is all karma.
each time, best friend had sth happening.
ill also start having weird syndroms.
i really sensed it this time round.

i thought i had got it all straightened out.
but well,
sometimes, what you think and actions just doent comply
at least, not so easily.

i missed my good old friends..
classmates,
in school sj people,
other sj people.

why do i suddenly feel so ignored?
i feel like a substitute.
placed at the right bottom of the list.
its undeniable.
why?
i hate it.
i'm going to pull myself out first,
cos, im scared that ill fall,
thinking that someone's behind me,
when thats not the case.


to simplify things, i feel like im losing my friends,

exhausted.
mentally.

loads of thoughts ran pass my mind.
my mother.
innova.
my friends.
stjohn stuff.

the more i think,
the more problems there seems to be.
so, i've decided.

to leave everything alone.
keep all thoughts to myself.
say nothing.

i aspire to look ever cheerful,
crappy, retarded, unaffected.
heeee.

mind over matter.

hah,
its just another cycle of revive and death of this blog.
ahha, its alright, as long as im fine with it :)

update on my life
innovajc,
not a bad place
filled with nice people.
many wondered why i've made this choice.
trust me,
now im asking myself this question too.
anyways.
my friends all over seemed to converge there.
this is a place wher my 10 year friend meet my sj pal.
wher, my friends who dont know each other,
became closer than i am...
pretty sad huh?
hehee

exciting life there.
apart from mugging,
so much more juicy gossips everyday..
but well...
term one gonna be over soon.
just gotten our confirmed timetable
kind of rubbishy
super duper looooong days
i think ill just die flat when pw kicks off.
sian.

guess what.
i think im starting to LOVE school!
woohooo
when ever do you hear that coming from me??
apart from the super long timetable thou
heee, and.. i love my class!
but i certainly missed my pae class.
the people.

aye aye,
having serious mood swings now and then
i made myself irritated.
ahh, whatever. =)
otc starting off...
how wld it be like?